Funniest damn comment on Facebook yet !!

Facebook: I Love to Hate You

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Date: 2007-06-30, 2:18PM EDT

Saw this on Facebook and thought I'd share.....enjoy......

Dear Facebook,

I love the way you have connected me with old friends from high school and I love the way you allow my friends to keep me up to date the with the weekends activities. Ever since I signed up for you I am no longer a social misfit but a prima donna in the world of drunken cottaging and the Queen of Underground Karaoke parties at the Bytown.

But facebook, there are a few issues that we need to resolve in order to maintain a healthy relationship.

First of all, you allow people from high school that I've never even spoken to add me as their friend. I dont know them other than the fact that we were apparently in the same homeroom together in grade 9 before I got the braces off. Its creepy that they remember the overalls and the plaid raincoat I was wearing the first day of high school. Please do not allow these people to seek me out.

Secondly Facebook you've now allowed not one, but TWO ex boyfriends to seek me out and attempt to add me as their "friend". We are not friends. We broke up because one was banging groupies while touring with the Matthew Good Band and the other was nailing his boss in the Royal Oak's beer room. These are not friends, these are men who couldn't keep their dicks in their pants and I wish them nothing but the most degenerate veneral diseases whores like that can come by.

Facebook, I have also become addicted to you to the point where I display withdrawl symptoms if I am away from you for longer than a couple hours at a time. If Im working I break out into a cold sweat wondering who's added me, who's messaged me and what party invites am I missing. If I go longer than a day without checking you I almost seizure. You are worse than heroin.

Facebook you have also gotten me into trouble by allowing me to log on completely shit faced to the point where Ive spilled my poutine all over my laptop. As you already know, drunken Facebooking is considerably worse than drunk dialing. I can deny calling people on purpose when Im loaded I cannot however deny writing self sabatoging messages on peoples walls and telling a booty call how much I enjoyed his throbbing cock last week on his comment page. Please do not let me log onto you when I am this drunk, clearly Im not thinking properly and the Jager-demon has possessed my body / mind.

As well Facebook please stop with the fortune cookies, hugs, smilies, horoscopes, "which family guy character are you" quizzes and other inane bullshit that I must weed through evetytime I log on. Seriously, its annoying and it must stop.

Now Facebook, Im not trying to bring you down, I do love you, I just think we need to communicate with each other to remedy these paticular issues. Especially the drunk one, Sara is still not talking to me. If we can set aside our differences you'll see that we are a match made in virtual Heaven.

Hugs
Me

• Location: the internet, Ottawa
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 363794217

June 16th 2007

Attended the wedding of some family friends almost a month ago.

What a blast and what a true reflection of exactly what a wedding should be. A celebration, not a formal "funeral like procession" where everyone dresses up like penguins or peacocks but instead where everyone is themselves (with a few beers added for company).

Held in a small resort in what has to be one of the most beautiful parts of this province I've ever been to. It was a sunset wedding, with the water glimmering, the ceremony genuine and the gathering simply sincere. Old friends, new ones and the couple radiant in their Mardi-Gras attire.

Such a departure from what I've been to in the past, and as I told the bride, best damn wedding I've been to...period....Plus, I am friends with both groom & bride and that it's nice to see people connect who SHOULD.
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Lets lay the groundwork....
1. Set up the tent outside near the water where the theme was Mardis Gras. So beads, beer & an incredible sense of family amongst people who a few hours ago didn't know each other.

2. MANY beverages are consumed by all.

3. Fireworks (over an hour's worth) shot into the sky, the water, the tent & ultimately the crowd & cottages. Note to self: Alcohol, Explosives and a drunken crowd make for FANTASTIC memories. I loved that night!

4. Hangover morning. Recover from #3 above

5. Wedding Day !!
Ceremony held by a shimmering lake at sunset. Pics galore!
Dinner with a certain N'Oleans flair..Lotsa yummies with lotsa music, dancing, foolishness & friends

6. 7:00am: Coffee for the men who've signed up for golf (sunny & HOT)....Margarita's for the ladies in the sun (sunny, windy & HOT)

7. Golf over, I'm humiliated by coming in last but hey...(Greg..did I mention I'm actually getting better ?)

8. Teary goodbyes, but knowing we'll see eachother soon

Been a while since I was here but here goes

Holiday cheer & Holiday fear

What's goin on in the world today ? (worst to least fav's)

Thanksgiving in the USA:
A chance to sacrifice a large bird (whose meat has been shown to have sleep inducing properties..so if I nod off, blame the cook!!) to the gathering of friends, loved ones and family. An opportunity to be grateful for having a house over your head & something to eat. Noble reasons...And I will admit I am thankful about those things..to a limit.

I EARN them, it's not blessings of mana that sustain me, it's getting up and working that do it. So I'm MORE glad that my profession allows the value of my contribution to my employers is rewarded, and thus my subsequent ability to offer an over-cooked-sleep-inducing-avian.

War in Iraq:
Nothing to be thankful there:

Situation in Darfur: (spelling is wrong but I ate some bird..see first post)
Can't the global community learn ? Bullies like guns, they like them more when they are used to keep them in power. Why doesn't the global community lay a smack-down on this friggin issue. But I forgot...Africa is the "Dark Continent" where matters are best left to terrorists, mercenaries and aid workers.

Look. Emasculated UN (more on UN later) should accept their role in helping shape the GLOBAL..that means US (not the USA..US=Homo Sapiens) ALL...direction. Kofi Annan should be tried for incompetence, the UN in general should be tried for the same. This organization should DEMAND
#1 - Full Dues paid by ALL members
#2 - Limiting membership to the security council should reflect GLOBAL standing, not possesion of Nuclear arms or global ambitions
#3 - If you wanna join the UN (or stay in) you better toss in a contribution that is is meaningful
#4 - If you "CHOP" a force (afterall, the military is best positioned for this task and they LOVE their acronyms) to the UN. The command chain is UN>-Providing Nation>-Unit PERIOD..no fucking around with who commands the higher echelons.
#4 - No more toothless "investigations"...simple rule...you screw with the UN and you're facing #4 above. We saw Clinton & Saddam dance..nothing happened of lasting value. We see Bush trying a different dance lately and still..no value.

In short. UN had better become what was intended by it's charter...PLEASE BECOME THE FORUM for ALL NATIONS.

Recent Elections in the USA:
DUH


Running out of steam in terms of ranting..it's late/early and I need either caffine & sunlight or a nibble and 3 hours in bed. I will return with my bitching about what little I know

A Sunday's Observations

I was suffering from lack of sleep and over caffination (double/double for that morning kick to consciousness) as I skimmed through the Star at the local Timmothy's coffeeplace. The usual articles about the Film Festival, Sports, SoDuku (I have no idea why people play this ! ) etc.

A few hundred women were milling around oooohing over wood and metal trinkets at the local antique show while their neutered men stood flaccid holding purses, coats, kids but certainly not wallets.

Me, I tried to put that insanity out of my head, stared at the paper and the occasional nice ass that sauntered by.

One note to women, don't wear jeans without back pockets..they throw off our appreciation of your anatomy. Legs melding to buttocks is great nekkid but in jeans, you ain't showing nothing visually but a long line, and no man I know wants to grab a hold of a flat board ! Pockets define the roundness, a visual cue. We all know the size of a jeans poket and therefore can superimpose our hand in that space. Women you'll be equally stifled by the thought of men wearing kilts everyday. Flat screen tech is great for TV but not for clothes !