Been a while since I was here but here goes

Holiday cheer & Holiday fear

What's goin on in the world today ? (worst to least fav's)

Thanksgiving in the USA:
A chance to sacrifice a large bird (whose meat has been shown to have sleep inducing properties..so if I nod off, blame the cook!!) to the gathering of friends, loved ones and family. An opportunity to be grateful for having a house over your head & something to eat. Noble reasons...And I will admit I am thankful about those things..to a limit.

I EARN them, it's not blessings of mana that sustain me, it's getting up and working that do it. So I'm MORE glad that my profession allows the value of my contribution to my employers is rewarded, and thus my subsequent ability to offer an over-cooked-sleep-inducing-avian.

War in Iraq:
Nothing to be thankful there:

Situation in Darfur: (spelling is wrong but I ate some bird..see first post)
Can't the global community learn ? Bullies like guns, they like them more when they are used to keep them in power. Why doesn't the global community lay a smack-down on this friggin issue. But I forgot...Africa is the "Dark Continent" where matters are best left to terrorists, mercenaries and aid workers.

Look. Emasculated UN (more on UN later) should accept their role in helping shape the GLOBAL..that means US (not the USA..US=Homo Sapiens) ALL...direction. Kofi Annan should be tried for incompetence, the UN in general should be tried for the same. This organization should DEMAND
#1 - Full Dues paid by ALL members
#2 - Limiting membership to the security council should reflect GLOBAL standing, not possesion of Nuclear arms or global ambitions
#3 - If you wanna join the UN (or stay in) you better toss in a contribution that is is meaningful
#4 - If you "CHOP" a force (afterall, the military is best positioned for this task and they LOVE their acronyms) to the UN. The command chain is UN>-Providing Nation>-Unit PERIOD..no fucking around with who commands the higher echelons.
#4 - No more toothless "investigations"...simple rule...you screw with the UN and you're facing #4 above. We saw Clinton & Saddam dance..nothing happened of lasting value. We see Bush trying a different dance lately and still..no value.

In short. UN had better become what was intended by it's charter...PLEASE BECOME THE FORUM for ALL NATIONS.

Recent Elections in the USA:
DUH


Running out of steam in terms of ranting..it's late/early and I need either caffine & sunlight or a nibble and 3 hours in bed. I will return with my bitching about what little I know

A Sunday's Observations

I was suffering from lack of sleep and over caffination (double/double for that morning kick to consciousness) as I skimmed through the Star at the local Timmothy's coffeeplace. The usual articles about the Film Festival, Sports, SoDuku (I have no idea why people play this ! ) etc.

A few hundred women were milling around oooohing over wood and metal trinkets at the local antique show while their neutered men stood flaccid holding purses, coats, kids but certainly not wallets.

Me, I tried to put that insanity out of my head, stared at the paper and the occasional nice ass that sauntered by.

One note to women, don't wear jeans without back pockets..they throw off our appreciation of your anatomy. Legs melding to buttocks is great nekkid but in jeans, you ain't showing nothing visually but a long line, and no man I know wants to grab a hold of a flat board ! Pockets define the roundness, a visual cue. We all know the size of a jeans poket and therefore can superimpose our hand in that space. Women you'll be equally stifled by the thought of men wearing kilts everyday. Flat screen tech is great for TV but not for clothes !

Who's on First - A modern approach

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

AUSTRALIA GETS DRUNK, WAKES UP IN NORTH ATLANTIC

Taken from SatireWire.com - Without permission but hey, you got credit !

AUSTRALIA GETS DRUNK, WAKES UP IN NORTH ATLANTIC

Tired of Being Isolated and Ignored, Continent Isn't Bloody Moving

Sydney, 800 miles S. of Nova Scotia (SatireWire.com) — After what witnesses described as an all night blinder during which it kept droning on about how it was always being bloody ignored by the whole bloody world and would bloody well stand to do something about it, Australia this morning woke up to find itself in the middle of the North Atlantic.

"Good Lord, that was a booze up," said a bleary-eyed Australian Prime Minister, John Howard, speaking from his residence at Kirribilli House, approximately 600 nautical miles east of Cape Hatteras, North Carolina.

According to Australians and residents of several countries destroyed or lewdly insulted during the continent's nearly 7,000-mile saltwater stagger, the binge began just after noon yesterday at a pub in Brisbane, where several patrons were discussing Australia Day and the nation's general lack of respect from abroad.

"It started off same as always; coupla fossils saying how our Banjo Patterson was a better poet than Walt Whitman, how Con the Fruiterer is funnier than Seinfeld, only they're Aussies so no one knows about 'em," recalled witness Kevin Porter. "Then this bloke Martin pipes up and says Australia's main problem is that it's stuck in Australia, and everybody says 'Too right!'"

"Well, it made sense at the time," Porter added.

By 2 a.m., powered by national pride and alcohol, the 3-million-square-mile land mass was barging eastward through the Coral Sea and crossing into the central Pacific, leaving a trail of beer cans and Chinese take-away in its wake.

When dawn broke over the Northern Hemisphere, the continent suddenly found itself, not only upside down, but smack in the middle of the Atlantic, and according to most of its 19 million inhabitants, that's the way it's going to stay.

"We sent troops to Afghanistan. You never hear about it. We have huge government scandals. You never hear about it. It's all 'America did this,' and 'Europe says that,'" exclaimed Perth resident Paul Watson. "Well, we're right in the thick of things now, so let's just see if you can you ignore us."

Officials on both sides of the Atlantic conceded that would be difficult. "They broke Florida," said U.S. State Department spokesman Richard Boucher. "And most of Latin America is missing."

Meanwhile, victims of what's already been dubbed the "Australian Crawl" are still shaking off the event.

"Australia bumped into us at about midnight local time," said Hawaii governor Ben Cayetano. "They were very friendly — they always seem friendly — but they refused to go around unless we answered their questions. But the questions were impossible. 'Who is Ian Thorpe? Do you have any Tim Tams? What day is Australia Day?'"

"Fortunately, somebody here had an Unimportant World Dates calendar and we aced the last one," Cayetano added.

Panama, however, was not so lucky.

"Australia came through here screaming curses at us to let them through," said Ernesto Carnal, who guards the locks at the entrance to the Panama Canal. "We said they would not fit, so they demanded to speak with a manager. When I go to find Mr. Caballos, they sneak the whole continent through."

When Caballos shouted to the fleeing country that it had not paid, Australia "accidentally" backed up and took out every nation in the region, as well as the northern third of Venezuela. They then made up a cheery song about it.

By late morning today, however, not everyone in Australia was quite so blithe. "We've still got part of Jamaica stuck to Queensland," said Australian army commander Lt. Gen. Peter Cosgrove. "I think we might have declared war on it. I don't bloody remember. Maybe it's time to go home."

Cosgrove, however, is not in the majority, and at press time, U.S., African, and European leaders were still desperately trying to negotiate for Australia's withdrawal. But the independent-minded Aussies were not making it easy. In a two-hour meeting at midday, Australian representatives listed their demands: immediate inclusion in the North Atlantic Treaty Organization, a permanent CNN presence in all 6 Australian states, a worldwide ban on hiring Paul Hogan, a primetime U.S. television contract for Australian Rules Football, and a 4,500-mile-long bridge between Sydney and Los Angeles.

U.S. negotiators immediately walked out, calling the Australian Rules Football request "absurd."