Can you guess who I am ?

I'm in my forties, wealthy beyond the average person's imagination, eccentric & an accused pedophile. I used to be darker skinned and had a normal face but now I look more & more like Diana Ross after a good dusting with talcum powder. I've got my own web page, legal team, defense fund, body guards, pimps, publicists, makeup artists, hair stylists and...did I mention legal team ?

Now that I'm on trial (again !) for child molestation the public has begun to question my morals & my character. I was sincere when I said that sharing your bed with young boys was a healthy thing to do. I mean we were only playing, you know, goofing around.

Sure we had a few glasses of wine (thank god it was white cause it would've stained his bib had it been a red) but it had been a long hard day and we wanted to unwind. As for the videos & pictures that the prosecution discovered in my home, those were just art !

Just ask Liz Taylor (if she's sober) or Corey Feldman...better yet, don't ask Corey. My pets would gladly tell you but only I can hear them so I'd have to translate for you. You could ask my kids but they're off in Neverland doing their foundtation/rouge/lipstick homework. You could also ask their biological mother but she signed a confidientially agreement that prohibits her from even mentioning my name.

Now that the trial is revving up with all those jurists being selected I have to ask, why am I not being tried by a jury of my peers ? Aren't there any available quacks out there ? Preferably under the age of 12 ? What about cartoon characters ? I'm sure that a few of them aren't working right now.

Anyways, I've got to get going now. Tito wants to come over tonight for some good old fashioned jello wrestling and I don't have a thing to wear !

Mike