Programming Languages are Like Women

There are so many programming languages available that it can be 
very  difficult to get to know them all well enough to pick the 
right one for you.  On the other hand most men know what kind of 
woman appeals to them. So here  is a handy guide for many of the 
popular programming languages that describes  what kind of women 
they would be if programming languages were women.

 Assembler - A female track star who holds all the world speed 
records.  She  is hard and bumpy, and so is not that pleasant to 
embrace.  She can cook up  any meal, but needs a complete and 
detailed recipe.  She is not beautiful or  educated, and speaks in 
monosyllables like "MOV, JUMP, INC".  She has a  fierce and 
violent temper that make her the choice of last resort.

 FORTRAN - Your grey-haired grandmother.  People make fun of her 
just because  she is old, but if you take the time to listen, you 
can learn from her  experiences and her mistakes.  During her 
lifetime she has acquired many  useful skills in sewing and 
cooking (subroutine libraries) That no younger  women can match, 
so be thankful she is still around.  She has a notoriously  bad 
temper and when angered will start yelling and throwing dishes.  
It was  mostly her bad temper that made grandad search for another 
wife.

 COBOL - A plump secretary.  She talks far too much, and most of 
what she says  can be ignored.  She works hard and long hours, but 
can't handle really  complicated jobs.  She has a short and 
unpredictable temper, so no one really  likes working with her.  
She can cook meals for a huge family, but only knows  bland 
recipes.

 BASIC - The horny divorcee that lives next door.  Her specialty 
is seducing  young boys and it seems she is always readily 
available for them.  She  teaches them many amazing things, or at 
least they seem amazing because it is  their first experience.  
She is not that young herself, but because she was  their first 
lover the boys always remember her fondly.  Her cooking and  
sewing skills are mediocre, but largely irrelevant, it's the 
frolicking that  the boys like.  The opinion that adults have of 
Mrs.  BASIC is varied.  Shockingly, some fathers actually 
introduce their own sons to this immoral  woman!  But generally 
the more righteous adults try to correct the badly  influenced 
young men by introducing them to well behaved women like Miss  
Pascal.

 PL/I - A bordello madam.  She wears silk dresses, diamonds, furs 
and red high  heels.  At one time she seemed very attractive, but 
now she just seems  overweight and tacky.  Tastes change.

 C - A lady executive.  An avid jogger, very healthy, and not too 
talkative.  Is an good cook if you like spicy food.  Unless you 
double check everything  you say (through LINT) you can unleash 
her fierce temper.  Her daughter C++  is still quite young and 
prone to tantrums, but it seems that she will grow  up into a fine 
young woman of milder temper and more sophisticated character.

 ALGOL 60 - Your father's wartime sweetheart, petite, well 
proportioned, and  sweet tempered.  She disappeared mysteriously 
during the war, but your dad  still talks about her shapely form 
and their steamy romance.  He never  actually tasted much of her 
cooking.

 Pascal - A grammar school teacher, and Algol 60's younger sister.  
Like her  sister she is petite and attractive, but very bossy.  
She is a good cook but  only if the recipe requires no more than 
one pot (module).

 Modula II - A high-school teacher and Pascal's daughter.  Very 
much like her  mother, but she has learned to cook with more than 
one pot.

 ALGOL 68 - Algol 60's niece.  A high-society woman, well educated 
and terse.  Few men can fully understand her when she talks, and 
her former lovers still  discuss her mysterious personality.  She 
is very choosy about her romances  and won't take just any man as 
her lover.  She hasn't been seen lately, and  rumor has it that 
she died in a fall from an ivory tower.

 LISP - She is an aging beatnik, who lives in a rural commune with 
her hippie  cousins SMALLTALK and FORTH.  Many men (mostly college 
students) who have visited the farmhouse,-- enthusiastically 
praise the natural food, and perpetual love-ins that take place 
there.  Others criticize the long cooking times, and the abnormal 
sexual postures (prefix and postfix). Although these women seldom 
have full-time jobs, when they do work, their employers praise 
them for their imagination, but usually not for their efficiency. 

APL - A fancy caterer specializing in Greek food.  She can cook 
delicious meals for rows and rows of tables with dozens of people 
at each table.  She doesn't talk much, as that would just slow her 
work down.  Few people can understand her recipes, since they are 
in a foreign language, and are all recorded in mirror writing.

LOGO - A grade-school art teacher.  She is just the kind of 
teacher that you wish you had when you were young.  She is shapely 
and patient, but not an interesting conversationalist.  She can 
cook up delicious kiddie snacks, but not full-course meals.

LUCID & PROLOG - These clever teenagers show a new kind of cooking 
skill. They can cook-up fine meals without the use of recipes, 
working solely from a description of the desired meal (declarative 
cooking).  Many men are fascinated by this and have already 
proposed marriage.  Others complain that the girls work very 
slowly, and that often the description of the meal must be just as 
long as a recipe would be.  It is hard to predict what these girls 
will be like when they are fully mature.

Ada - A WAC colonel built like an amazon.  She is always setting 
strict rules, but if you follow them, she keeps her temper.  She 
is quite talkative, always spouting army regulations, and using 
obscure military talk.  You gotta love her though, because the 
army says so.

Guilty as charged...or maybe not...In Canada

Democracy - The pipe dream

I've been in an ongoing debate with my mother about the merits of "democracy" as we know it.

"Gogs in a wheel" OR "Jobs be damned...be a good person"

These are lessons that I've been taught over the years and ideals that I've taken to heart. I don't wanna be a cog in a wheel. Dammit, I am the freakin' wheel, not a cog !!

Free trade, global trade, global banking and all those other theories that are supposed to benefit us all have run amok. We, here in the west have lost our minds. Money has become the new god. Babylon has returned and it's a lot bigger now. We spend more on the military, against a threat that's amorphous, we've been duped into believing that civil liberty is exchangeable for security and we've been arrested for arguing against the bullshit of it all.

I'm a Canadian, a once proud Canadian. I am now left wondering where my country's leadership is steering me (and my fellow 30M compatriots). We kept out of Iraq because it wasn't "right" which turned out to be prudent. But we leapt in with both feet into Afghanistan which is now becoming our version of Vietnam (part deux). No win, no victory, only ongoing losses in lives, souls and yes...Money.

I'm rambling because I'm pissed off. I have so many things to scream about BUT, like a "nice" person, I've kept it under wraps. Today, no more. I'm tired of being nice. Tired of the system working me over.

Tired of watching those that don't care about me making decisions that will directly hurt me.

To the 99% I say I am with you. To the 1%, watch your back.

Revolution is coming and it ain't gonna be kind.

Capitalism was meant to offer each and every one of us a path to better ourselves but what it's become is a path for us all to better improve a few others. The media would have you believe that the beneficiaries of our current economic & political system are you & I.....Really?

Just out of curiosity, when was the last raise you got? Did you get a bonus last year? Are you improving the whole work/life balance thing? Answer NO. You're working longer, harder, for less and with less job security! But we're being told that if we run the wheel a little bit harder next month, things may improve...........Sure.....For the bottom line.

The Europeans took it too far to the "left" and we here in North America have taken it too far to the "right" but there is a workable middle ground. We don't need to bankrupt our society to achieve it either. Everyone can have a slice of cake and be happy. It's the greedy MotherFu##ers who need to be restrained.

Guess what's on my mind today

Silvio's finest...God I love democracy

ROME—Silvio Berlusconi, who resigned as prime minister on Saturday after dominating Italy for 17 years with a mix of political talent and brazen behaviour, has a sense of humour that often landed him in trouble.

Here are some of his memorable quotes:

Nov. 2011: Berlusconi comments on the state of Italy’s economy. “Life in Italy is life in a prosperous country. We see that on every occasion, consumption has not gone down, the restaurants are full, you have trouble booking seats on aeroplanes, holiday areas are totally booked out on long weekends. I don’t think that if you went to live in Italy that Italy is feeling anything that could resemble a serious crisis.”

Oct. 2011: In remarks to party deputies in parliament, Berlusconi suggests his ruling PDL party should rename itself “Forza Gnocca!” a play on the name of his original Forza Italia! (Go Italy!) party, using a slang term for female genitals.

Sept. 2011: In widely reported wiretapped conversations, Berlusconi brags of fending off a line of young women outside his door and “doing only eight girls, because I couldn’t do more.”

Nov. 2010: “As always, I work without interruption and if occasionally I happen to look a beautiful girl in the face, it’s better to like beautiful girls than to be gay,” he tells a meeting at a motorcycle industry show in Milan.

April 2009: During a visit to survivors of an earthquake in the central Abruzzo region, who were staying in emergency tents, Berlusconi says: “They should look at it as a weekend of camping.”

Nov. 2008: Berlusconi hails Barack Obama as “handsome, young and also suntanned”, after he was elected the United States’ first black president.

Feb. 2006: “I am the Jesus Christ of politics,” Italian media quote Berlusconi as telling supporters. “I am a patient victim, I put up with everyone, I sacrifice myself for everyone.”

Feb. 2006: “Only Napoleon did more than I have done,” he tells a TV talk show. “But I am definitely taller.”

Jan. 2006: Berlusconi promises to give up sex until the next election. “Thank you dear Father Massimiliano,” he tells a preacher who praised him for defending family values. “I’ll try not to let you down and I promise you two and a half months of complete sexual abstinence until April 9.”

June 2005: Berlusconi says he used his charms to persuade Finland’s president, Tarja Halonen, to give up her country’s claim to host the new European Food Safety Authority. “I had to use all my playboy tactics, even if they have not been used for some time,” he said. Finnish ambassador protests.

Sept. 2004: “Mussolini never killed anyone. Mussolini sent people on holiday in (internal) exile,” Berlusconi tells Britain’s Spectator magazine, replying “yes” when asked if he thought the World War II dictator was “benign”.

July 2003: “Mr. Schulz, I know there is in Italy a man producing a film on the Nazi concentration camps. I would like to suggest you for the role of Kapo. You’d be perfect,” Berlusconi told socialist German lawmaker Martin Schulz, who was heckling him during his debut at the European Parliament. A kapo was a concentration camp inmate who was given privileges for supervising prisoner work gangs.

June 2003: “One citizen is equal to another (in the eyes of the law) but perhaps this one is slightly more equal than the others, given that 50 percent of Italians have given him the responsibility of governing the country,” he says, referring to himself, during an appearance at his corruption trial in Milan.

Dec. 2002: “The most keen can certainly find a second job, maybe unofficial,” Berlusconi says, encouraging laid-off Fiat workers to seek employment on the black market.

Feb. 2002: During a group photograph at an informal EU summit in Spain, Berlusconi raises two fingers behind the head of the Spanish foreign minister, Josep Pique, in the traditional Latin gesture for a cuckold.

Oct. 2001: Berlusconi causes an outcry in the Muslim world when he says the West should be aware of its own “superiority”. “We should be conscious of the superiority of our civilisation, which consists of a value system that has given people widespread prosperity in those countries that embrace it, and guarantees respect for human rights and religion,” he said. “This respect certainly does not exist in the Islamic countries.”